Home » Uncategorized » Grief makes reptiles of us

Grief makes reptiles of us

Sometimes I think I’ve left grief behind me. I’ll have these big moments. Cathartic. Lots of tears. Usually some public place where I’m trapped and anonymous. An airplane for example. And I’ll walk away feeling lighter. Sweet relief or whatever.
I left grief on the airplane, I’ll think.
Buts it’s never true. She’s never gone indefinitely. It’s more that I’ve shed her for the moment. Like a snake sheds its skin. The dead skin stays behind but there’s new skin beneath it even before it’s gone. Grief is like that. It’ll take awhile before it starts to itch again but it will. Some other airplane. Some other day. Some other trigger. And I’ll be molting all over again.
It’s like grief makes a part of us cold-blooded. Reptilian. An physiological change. A crisis of identity. You cant see it, but it’s there. Permanent. Irrevocable.
Tomorrow the sun will come out and grief will be hard to imagine. But she’s there lurking in the shadows. I know shell find me again. She always does. I’m beginning to itch just thinking about it.

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